


Day 1- Shaky Hands

by broken_fannibal



Series: Whumptober 2019 [1]
Category: Doctor Who (2005), Torchwood
Genre: (mentioned) - Freeform, Angst, Blood, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Guilt, Hugs, Major Character Undeath, Platonic Cuddling, Temporary Character Death - Jack Harkness, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-11-09 08:11:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20850257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broken_fannibal/pseuds/broken_fannibal
Summary: An adventure turned dangerous and they barely managed to escape.





	Day 1- Shaky Hands

**Author's Note:**

> Big thank you to @some-thrilling-heroics for helping me with this! (even though I ended up throwing out the whole second half of the fic)

They rushed through the door.

The Doctor didn't need to look back as he sprinted towards the console, he trusted Jack to close and lock it properly.

His legs felt like they were made of jelly. He tripped and caught himself on the rail. But he pressed on and took two wobbly steps to the console. He leaned on it with his full weight.

Would the ringing in his ears ever stop? It felt like it had been going on for hours. He squeezed his eyes shut and fumbled for the right switch. There it was. He opened his eyes again and ran halfway around the console, to the other switches.

Only two more.

He couldn't be weak now, he had to get them away from here. It was his responsibility. He couldn't let them down. He had already let Jack down once today, he wouldn't do it a second time.

But his hands were shaking so badly by now that he could barely press the right buttons. His hand slipped off of one and bumped into the metal below.

He winced and- slower now- walked around to the other side, clinging to the coral with one hand. The rough texture bit into his skin. The Doctor let go of it just long enough to flick a small switch. Now just around to the other side- he pulled the lever. Holding onto it, his knuckles stood out white against his skin as the Tardis jolted and started flying.

Even though he should have been prepared for it, he almost lost his balance again. His legs were shaking too, now. His shoulders hurt, so did his back, every muscle in his body was too tense and too close to giving up.

They were getting out, leaving this place behind. So some of the tension should have eased. But it didn't.

The world started spinning. He didn't move, he couldn’t, worried that if he did he might just collapse.

After a few more deep breaths, he reached out and pressed a few buttons. He barely hit the ones he wanted to. But she seemed to understand. With a soft hum, he felt her reach out, reassuring him.

He needed to type in their destination. He kept repeating the phrase in his mind, hoping that would somehow make it easier to be able to _think_. The ringing in his ears had been joined by a terrible pounding in his temples.

They needed to- their destination- they needed to get somewhere safe. Somewhere safe. Somewhere-

His head sunk forward. The whirring of the Tardis only made all the noise inside his head worse. The ringing reached a painful peak. He might have made a sound. He had tried to stifle it.

He pressed a big button, uncoordinatedly hitting it with his palm.

The Doctor turned his head for a moment, maybe shifting his focus would help.

There they were. Jack and Martha. They were sitting on the seat. Jack was bleeding a little. But that would heal in no time. Martha yawned as she was tending to it.

She couldn't see him.

She couldn't see him leaning against the console like it was the only thing keeping him upright. And who knew... maybe it was. He wasn't keen to find out.

Oh, but Jack saw. He was looking at him with that deep, direct intensity.

The Doctor averted his eyes and flicked a few more switches. Not that they did anything. He just needed something to do. Something to fiddle with.  
When there was nothing more to do, he checked the screen. Nothing out of the ordinary. He sighed and closed his eyes. Deep breaths. Maybe that would help.

But no. Too much restless energy. Too much adrenaline. Too much pain. Too much worry. He couldn't stay still.  
He caught movement out of the corner of his eye. Martha.

“See you tomorrow.” she gave a tired smile and headed towards her bedroom.

He could only nod.

He buried his hands in his pockets. No, that was much worse. He turned around, leaned against the console. With closed eyes, he drummed his fingers against the coral frame. It wasn't enough. He began dragging his hands over the rough texture.

“Hey, relax.” Even though Jack’s voice was gentle, it startled the Doctor.

The ringing in his ears got even worse. He hadn't thought it could. But it did.

He couldn't meet Jack’s eyes. His face flashed before his eyes again, dead eyes, slack expression. Blood. So much blood.

He tried to shake it off. But he couldn't.

Jack reached out, he took his hands and held them in his own. It did little to stop the shaking.

“We’re safe now. You saved us.”

A shaky inhale. Well, he had. Kind of. But at what cost?

Thumbs caressed the backs of his hands.

"We’re safe."

It didn't feel like they were. The adrenaline, the fear was still pumping through his veins. He averted his eyes.

Jack looked down at their hands, the Doctor's were still shaking. Small shivers ran through his whole body. His jaw was clenched. There was a frown on his face, a deep crease between his eyebrows.

“Hey.”

He looked over at Jack, at his shoulder. There was still blood there. His whole shirt front was covered in dried blood.

His chest tightened. The image of Jack’s body, lifeless in his arms, seemed like it was burned into his memory. He took short shaky breaths. The guilt threatened to choke him. Why hadn’t he been smarter? Why hadn't he reacted quicker? Why hadn't he been able to prevent this? He was the Doctor! He was supposed to be able to save everyone all the time!

“I'm gonna sleep. Come with me?” Jack’s voice cut through the haze.

When Jack let go of his hands, he couldn't help but chase the touch.

Thankfully, Jack didn't comment on it. He simply turned and started walking.

And the Doctor blindly followed, trailing behind him, his eyes unfocused, his mind blank.

When they arrived in Jack’s bedroom, he just stood there. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to move. It was all too much and too little at the same time. In his mind, it was an endless loop of Jack dead in his arms. All the blood. The dead weight. The guilt, the helplessness.

There was a rustle of fabric. He looked up. Jack stood near the wardrobe, tossing the bloodied shirt onto the floor and picking out a new one.  
The doctor's hands were still shaking, little tremors running through his entire body. He couldn't make them stop.

Then warm hands came to rest on his arms.

Jack. He radiated calm.

The hands shifted.

Suddenly there was warmth all around him. He found himself pressed up against Jack’s chest, broad arms wrapped around him.

There was a sharp pull in his chest. But the ringing in his head eased. Another great shudder overcame him. He reached out, hesitatingly resting his hands on Jack’s back.

They were still shaking. Not only his hands now. His arms too. The trembling got worse and worse. He buried his head in the crook of Jack’s neck.

This couldn't be happening. This couldn't be happening. This couldn't-

His legs gave out under him.

Jack made a soft noise as he felt the Doctor slip. He reacted quickly and held onto him.

He carried him to the bed, gently took off the Doctor’s shoes and suit jacket.

The Doctor curled up on his side. The shaking didn't stop. If anything, it just got worse.

Jack quickly rounded the bed and curled up behind him, wrapping his arms around him and holding him close.

Not too long after the Doctor shifted. His legs straightened and he turned around.

His shaking hands reached out. One pressing against Jack’s ribs. The other sliding up his chest to come to rest over his heart. No blood anymore.

He shuffled lower and pressed his ear against Jack’s chest.

Jack wrapped his arms tighter around him, caressing his back.

Slowly, the trembling subsided. He expected the Doctor to pull away, to protest.

But he didn't.

And when Jack looked down, he saw the reason. He was asleep. His eyes closed, his face relaxed, peaceful.

Carefully, he shifted onto his back.

Now the Doctor lay draped over him. With one hand, he reached out to pull the blanket over them.

But he lay awake a while longer. The events of the last hours replaying in his mind.

He hadn't thought anything of it when he had stepped in the line of fire. He'd done so many times before.

It was painful, that first breath after being trapped in the darkness. But it was worth it if it meant his friends would survive. If it bought them time to figure out how to win whatever fight they were fighting.

What he hadn't expected were the shaking hands holding onto him as he came to.

What he hadn't expected was the worried face looking down at him.

What he hadn't expected was the pain, the guilt in the Doctor’s expression.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!! Please consider leaving kudos/comments <3


End file.
